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Defensiveness hinders progress in resolving conflicts from "summary" of The Relationship Cure by John Gottman, PhD,Joan DeClaire
When we find ourselves in the midst of a conflict, our natural instinct may be to put up our defenses. We feel attacked, misunderstood, or criticized, and our immediate response is to protect ourselves. However, this defensiveness can actually hinder the progress we need to make in resolving conflicts. When we become defensive, we close ourselves off to truly listening to the other person's perspective. Instead of trying to understand where they are coming from, we focus on protecting ourselves and proving that we are right. This hinders effective communication and prevents us from finding common ground or reaching a resolution. Defensiveness also escalates the conflict, as the other person is likely to ...
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