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Criticism erodes relationships; use gentle startup instead from "summary" of The Relationship Cure by John Gottman, PhD,Joan DeClaire
Criticism is a common pitfall in relationships. When we criticize our partner, it can lead to defensiveness, which in turn escalates conflict. This dynamic can erode the foundation of trust and intimacy in a relationship. However, there is a more effective way to address issues with your partner: using a gentle startup. A gentle startup involves approaching your partner with kindness and respect, even when discussing difficult topics. By using a gentle startup, you create a safe space for open communication and problem-solving. This sets a positive tone for the conversation and increases the likelihood of a productive outcome. When you start a conversation with criticism, it puts your partner on the defensive right away. This can lead to a cycle of negativity that is hard to break. On the other hand, a gentle startup allows your partner to feel heard and understood, which fosters connection and empathy. It's important to remember that communication is key in any relationship. By practicing a gentle startup, you can strengthen your bond with your partner and build a foundation of trust and mutual respect. This approach can help you navigate conflict more effectively and maintain a healthy, happy relationship. In order to implement a gentle startup, it's important to approach your partner with empathy and understanding. Try to see things from their perspective and communicate your feelings in a calm and respectful manner. By doing so, you can create a positive environment for addressing issues and finding solutions together.- The concept of using a gentle startup instead of criticism is a powerful tool for building and maintaining strong relationships. By approaching your partner with kindness and respect, you can foster open communication, trust, and intimacy. So next time you feel the urge to criticize, try using a gentle startup instead and see how it can transform your relationship for the better.
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