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It's important to set boundaries in relationships from "summary" of The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner
Setting boundaries in relationships is crucial. It is about knowing where you end and where the other person begins. Boundaries are not walls but guidelines, a way to take care of oneself while also being respectful to others. Without boundaries, there is no self, only a fuzzy blend of you and me. It is essential to be clear about what is acceptable and what is not in a relationship. Boundaries define who we are and who we are not, what we choose to do and what we choose not to do. When we fail to set boundaries, we allow others to define us, to decide what is okay and what is not. This can lead to resentment, anger, and a sense of powerlessness. Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect, a way to honor our needs and values. It is not about controlling others but about taking responsibility for our own well-being. Boundaries help us to maintain our sense of self, to stay true to ourselves in the midst of a relationship. Boundaries are not about building a fortress around ourselves but about creating a safe space where we can be authentic and vulnerable. They are not meant to keep others out but to let them in under the right conditions. By setting boundaries, we communicate our needs, desires, and limits clearly and assertively. This allows for a healthier, more honest, and more fulfilling relationship. Boundaries are not a sign of weakness but of strength. They show that we value ourselves enough to take care of ourselves. Setting boundaries can be challenging, especially if we have not done it before. It requires courage, self-awareness, and practice. It is an ongoing process, a dance of connection where we learn to balance our needs with the needs of others. It is not always easy, but it is always worth it. Boundaries help us to create healthier, more balanced, and more authentic relationships. They are a way to show up fully, to be present, and to be true to ourselves and to others.
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