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Routine can be the enemy of desire from "summary" of Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

In long-term relationships, routine can sometimes become an unexpected adversary to desire. It sneaks in unnoticed, gradually dulling the spark of passion that once burned brightly between partners. The very things that initially brought two people together - shared routines, familiar habits, comforting predictability - can eventually lead to a sense of stagnation and sameness. This routine can create a sense of security and stability, but it can also breed a lack of novelty and excitement, which are crucial components of desire. When a relationship falls into a pattern of predictability, the mystery and intrigue that fuel desire can fade away. Partners may start to take each other for granted, assuming they know everything there is to know about their significant other. This sense of familiarity can lead to a decrease in curiosity and a lack of exploration, both of which are essential for maintaining desire in a relationship. The comfort of routine can lull partners into a false sense of security, causing them to neglect the effort and attention that are necessary to keep desire alive. Without the element of surprise, the thrill of discovery, or the excitement of the unknown, desire can wane and intimacy can suffer. In order to reignite desire, partners must be willing to break free from the confines of routine and embrace the unknown, the unpredictable, and the unfamiliar. By introducing novelty, spontaneity, and excitement into their relationship, partners can create opportunities for desire to flourish once again. This might involve trying new activities together, exploring uncharted territory, or engaging in open and honest communication about their desires and fantasies. By breaking free from the constraints of routine, partners can rediscover the passion and intensity that initially drew them together. In the battle against routine, partners must be willing to embrace change, take risks, and step outside of their comfort zones. By challenging themselves to break free from the monotony of daily life, partners can create space for desire to thrive and intimacy to deepen. It is through this willingness to embrace the unknown, the unpredictable, and the unfamiliar that partners can cultivate a sense of aliveness and excitement in their relationship.
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    Mating in Captivity

    Esther Perel

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