Abusers may use children to manipulate their partners from "summary" of Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Abusers may use children to manipulate their partners by exploiting the deep love that most parents feel for their kids. The abuser might threaten to take the children away or to treat them badly if the partner doesn't comply with his demands. He may also try to turn the children against their other parent, using them as allies in his campaign of control. By involving the children in his abusive tactics, the abuser forces the partner to choose between protecting them and standing up to his mistreatment. This is an impossible dilemma for a loving parent. The abuser knows that his partner cares about the children's welfare above all else, and he uses this knowledge to his advantage. In some cases, the abuser may even go so far as to physically harm the children in order to punish or manipulate the partner. This is an extreme and despicable form of abuse, but unfortunately, it does happen. The abuser sees the children not as individuals to be cherished and protected but as tools to be used in his quest for power and control. Children are deeply impacted by witnessing abuse between their parents. They may suffer emotional and psychological harm that can last a lifetime. By involving the children in his abusive behavior, the abuser not only harms his partner but also inflicts lasting damage on the innocent young minds and hearts in his care. It is crucial for the partner to recognize when the abuser is using the children as pawns in his abusive game. Seeking help and support from trusted individuals and professionals can be vital in protecting both oneself and the children from further harm. No one should have to endure abuse, and no child should be used as a tool for manipulation and control.
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