Abusers may try to sabotage their partners' efforts to leave from "summary" of Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
When a woman decides to leave an abusive relationship, her partner often reacts in ways she doesn't expect. The abusive man may promise to change, declare his undying love, or threaten to kill himself. He might become the perfect partner for a while, showering her with gifts and affection. These sudden changes in behavior can confuse the woman and make her doubt her decision to leave. The abuser may also resort to more extreme tactics to prevent his partner from leaving. He might threaten to harm her, her children, or her pets if she tries to leave. He may stalk her, showing up unexpectedly at her workplace or home. He could spread lies about her to friends and family, turning them against her and isolating her further. These actions are all designed to make it as difficult as possible for the woman to leave the relationship. One common tactic abusers use is financial sabotage. The abuser may control all the money in the relationship, leaving the woman with no resources of her own to support herself if she leaves. He might quit his job or refuse to pay child support, leaving her financially dependent on him. This financial control can make it extremely challenging for the woman to leave, as she might not have the means to support herself and her children. Another way abusers sabotage their partners' efforts to leave is through emotional manipulation. The abuser might play on the woman's emotions, using guilt, shame, or pity to make her stay. He might blame her for the abuse, saying she provoked him or drove him to it. He may minimize the abuse, claiming it wasn't that bad or that other women have it much worse. This emotional manipulation can make the woman second-guess her decision to leave and make her feel like she has no other choice but to stay.- Abusers will go to great lengths to prevent their partners from leaving. They will use a combination of tactics, from promises and threats to financial control and emotional manipulation, to keep their partners trapped in the abusive relationship. It's important for women in abusive relationships to recognize these tactics and reach out for help to safely leave the relationship.
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