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Let go of perfectionism from "summary" of The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it's a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight. Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, they adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: "I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect." Healthy striving is self-focused: How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think? Perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it's because we weren't perfect enough. So rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to look and do everything just right. Perfectionism actually sets us up to feel shame, judgment, and blame which then leads to even more shame and self-doubt. The first step toward letting go of perfectionism is understanding that it's not about striving for excellence or healthy goals. It's a way of thinking and feeling that says this: "If I look perfect, do it perfect, work perfect, and live perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism, blame, and ridicule." Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame. Perfectionism actually takes us further away from our authentic selves and from our gifts to the world.
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