Recognizing patterns of distancing and pursuit from "summary" of The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Goldhor Lerner
In our relationships, we often find ourselves caught up in a cycle of pursuing and distancing. This pattern can be destructive and cause tension between partners. It is essential to recognize these patterns in order to break free from the cycle and foster healthier connections. Distancing behaviors can take many forms, such as withdrawing emotionally, avoiding conflict, or creating physical distance. These actions are often a defense mechanism, used to protect oneself from feeling vulnerable or hurt. On the other hand, pursuit behaviors involve seeking closeness, attention, or validation from our partner. While these actions may come from a place of genuine longing for connection, they can also be driven by insecurity or a fear of abandonment. The dance of intimacy is a delicate balance between pursuing and distancing. When one partner moves closer, the other may instinctively pull away. This creates a push-and-pull d...
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