Letting go of unrealistic expectations and perfectionism from "summary" of The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Goldhor Lerner
In our relationships, expectations can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, they can serve as guideposts for how we want to be treated and how we want to treat others. On the other hand, they can easily become unrealistic standards that no one can live up to. When we hold onto these unrealistic expectations, we set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration. Perfectionism is another trap that many of us fall into. We believe that we must be perfect in order to be loved and accepted. We strive for flawlessness in every aspect of our lives, from our appearance to our achievements to our relationships. But the truth is, perfection is an impossible standard. It is a moving target that we can never quite reach. When we let go of unrealistic expectations and perfectionism, we free ourselves from the burden of trying to control everything and everyone around us. We allow ourselves to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to learn and grow from them. We give ourselves permission to be human, with all of our flaws and imperfections. By releasing ourselves from the shackles of unrealistic expectations and perfectionism, we open ourselves up to deeper connections with others. We are able to be more present and authentic in our relationships, without constantly worrying about measuring up to some unattainable standard. We can let go of the need to be flawless and instead focus on being real. It is important to remember that letting go of unrealistic expectations and perfectionism is a process, not a one-time event. It requires self-awareness, self-compassion, and a willingness to challenge our deeply ingrained beliefs about ourselves and others. But the rewards are worth it. When we release ourselves from the tyranny of perfectionism, we create space for true intimacy and connection to flourish.
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