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Love is not conditional or judgmental from "summary" of The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm
Love is not selective, as if the qualities of a person were like a pick-and-choose menu. It is not limited to only those who meet certain criteria or standards. Love does not say, "I will love you if you change this or that about yourself." Instead, it accepts the individual as they are, with all their imperfections and complexities. Love does not judge, for judgment implies a position of superiority and separation. It does not look down upon others or place conditions on their worthiness of love. When we love conditionally, we are not truly loving the person themselves, but rather an idealized version of them that we have created in our minds. This idealized image is not based on reality, but on our own desires and expectations. We may believe that we are loving someone, but in reality, we are loving our own fantasy. True love sees beyond the façade of perfection and embraces the authentic self beneath. To love unconditionally requires a deep understanding of oneself and others. It means accepting that we are all flawed and imperfect beings, and that this is what makes us human. When we can embrace our own imperfections with compassion and understanding, we can extend this same grace to others. Unconditional love is not about overlooking faults or pretending that everything is perfect. It is about acknowledging the reality of our humanity and loving each other in spite of – and perhaps even because of – our imperfections. In a world that often values achievement and success over authentic connection and vulnerability, it can be challenging to practice unconditional love. We are bombarded with messages that tell us we must constantly strive to be better, to meet certain standards of beauty, intelligence, and success. These external pressures can make it difficult to truly love ourselves and others unconditionally. However, it is only through this kind of love that we can experience true fulfillment and connection with others. Love that is unconditional and non-judgmental is liberating and empowering, for it allows us to be our true selves without fear of rejection or criticism.
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