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Use "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings from "summary" of Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone,Bruce Patton,Sheila Heen
When we are in the midst of a difficult conversation, it can be all too easy to fall into the trap of blaming or accusing the other person. We may use phrases like "You always..." or "You never...", which can put the other person on the defensive and escalate the conflict. By using "I" statements to express our thoughts and feelings, we take ownership of our own perspective and emotions. Instead of saying "You make me feel..." we can say "I feel..." This subtle shift in language can make a big difference in how the other person receives our message. It can help to foster a more open and honest dialogue, where both parties feel heard and understood. When we use "I" statements, we are also less likely to make assumptions about the other person's intentions or motivations. Instead of saying "You did this to hurt me," we can say "I felt hurt when this happened." This leaves room for the other person to share their side of the story and for us to gain a better understanding of where they are coming from. Additionally, using "I" statements can help to keep the focus on our own feelings and experiences, rather than getting caught up in the other person's behavior. This can be particularly helpful in situations where emotions are running high, as it allows us to express ourselves without placing blame or judgment on the other person.- Using "I" statements in difficult conversations can lead to more productive and meaningful interactions. It can help to improve communication, build trust, and ultimately lead to better outcomes for all parties involved. So next time you find yourself in a challenging conversation, try using "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings, and see how it can make a difference in the way you connect with others.
