Avoid blaming or accusing language from "summary" of Crucial Confrontations: Tools for talking about broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior by Kerry Patterson,Joseph Grenny,Ron McMillan,Al Switzler
When we find ourselves in a crucial confrontation, it can be all too easy to resort to blaming or accusing language. This type of language often puts the other person on the defensive, making it harder to have a productive conversation. Instead of pointing fingers and assigning blame, it is more effective to focus on the facts and the impact of the other person's actions. By avoiding blaming or accusing language, we can keep the conversation focused on the behavior that needs to change, rather than getting caught up in personal attacks. This can help the other person to see the situation more objectively and be more open to finding a solution. When we use blaming or accusing language, we run the risk of escalating the conflict and making it harder to reach a resolution. One way to avoid blaming or accusing language is to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "You always do this," we can say "I feel frustrated when this happens." This shifts the focus away from the other person and towards our own feelings, making it easier for them to understand our perspective. Another way to avoid blaming or accusing language is to focus on specific behaviors rather than making generalizations. Instead of saying "You never listen to me," we can say "I noticed that you were distracted during our conversation." This allows us to address the specific behavior that needs to change without making sweeping accusations.- By avoiding blaming or accusing language, we can create a more constructive and productive conversation. This can help us to address the issue at hand more effectively and work towards a resolution that satisfies both parties. By staying focused on the facts and the impact of the behavior, we can keep the conversation on track and increase the chances of reaching a positive outcome.
