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Avoidant individuals value independence and fear closeness from "summary" of Attached by Amir Levine,Rachel Heller
Avoidant individuals, as the name suggests, tend to shy away from intimacy and emotional closeness in relationships. They prioritize their independence and autonomy above all else, often viewing emotional reliance on others as a sign of weakness. This fear of closeness can manifest in various ways, such as an aversion to vulnerability or a reluctance to commit to long-term relationships. These individuals may have had experiences in the past that have led them to believe that depending on others will only result in disappointment or hurt. As a result, they have learned to rely solely on themselves and to avoid situations that require emotional vulnerability. This self-reliance may serve as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from potential pain or rejection. Avoidant individuals may also struggle with expressing their emotions or connecting on a deeper level with their partners. They may avoid discussions about feelings or personal issues, preferring to keep things superficial in order to maintain a sense of control and distance. This emotional distance can create a barrier in the relationship, making it difficult for both partners to truly connect on an intimate level. In some cases, avoidant individuals may even sabotage their relationships as a way to avoid getting too close to their partners. They may create unnecessary conflicts or push their partners away in order to maintain a sense of independence and protect themselves from the perceived threat of emotional intimacy. This pattern of behavior can create a cycle of push and pull in the relationship, leaving both partners feeling frustrated and disconnected. Despite their fear of closeness, avoidant individuals may still desire companionship and connection on some level. However, their deep-seated beliefs and fears about intimacy can make it challenging for them to fully engage in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. It is important for both partners to be aware of these dynamics and to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and boundaries in order to build a strong and secure connection.
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