Understand the difference between controlling and disciplining from "summary" of 1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents by Thomas W. Phelan
Controlling is a concept that many parents are familiar with. It involves using power and authority to get children to do what we want them to do. It's about making sure they follow our rules, our schedules, and our expectations. It's about using threats, punishment, and rewards to manipulate their behavior. It's about being in charge and making sure they know it. Disciplining, on the other hand, is a different concept altogether. It's about teaching children how to behave, rather than simply making them behave. It's about setting limits and consequences, and then allowing children to experience the natural consequences of their actions. It's about helping them understand the reasons behind our rules and expectations, and helping them develop the self-control and self-discipline to follow them on their own. Controlling is about short-term compliance, while disciplining is about long-term character development. Controlling focuses on behavior, while disciplining focuses on the heart. Controlling is about external motivation, while disciplining is about internal motivation. Controlling is about fear and coercion, while disciplining is about love and guidance. When we understand the difference between controlling and disciplining, we can begin to see that our goal as parents is not simply to get our children to do what we want them to do, but to help them become the people that God created them to be. We can see that our job is not just to manage their behavior, but to shape their character. We can see that our role is not just to control them, but to disciple them. So let's shift our focus from controlling to disciplining. Let's stop trying to make our children obey us, and start helping them obey God. Let's stop using threats and bribes to manipulate their behavior, and start using consequences and guidance to shape their hearts. Let's stop trying to be in charge, and start trying to be their guides and mentors. Let's stop trying to control them, and start trying to disciple them.
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