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Abusers may try to make their partners feel guilty for leaving from "summary" of Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

An abuser may try to make his partner feel guilty for leaving by telling her that he needs her, loves her, and can't live without her. He may say that he doesn't know how he will survive without her, that he will fall apart, that he will go crazy. He may claim that he has changed, that he has seen the errors of his ways, that he is a different man now. He may promise that he will go to therapy, that he will get help, that he will do whatever it takes to make things right. He may remind her of all the good times they shared, all the memories they created, all the dreams they had together. He may point out that they have been through so much, that they have overcome so many obstacles, that they are meant to be together. He may say that no one else will ever love her like he does, that no one else will ever understand her like he does, that no one else will ever treat her like he does. He may use her children against her, telling her that they will be devastated if she leaves, that they will blame her for breaking up the family, that they will never forgive her. He may threaten to take the children away from her, to turn them against her, to make her life a living hell. He may try to make her doubt herself, her decisions, her worth, by constantly criticizing her, belittling her, undermining her confidence. He may manipulate her emotions, playing on her fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities. He may twist the truth, distort reality, gaslight her into questioning her own sanity. He may use emotional blackmail, psychological manipulation, coercive control to keep her trapped in the relationship, to make her feel like she has no choice but to stay. But she does have a choice. She has the right to leave. She has the right to put herself first, to prioritize her own well-being, to protect herself from harm. She does not owe him anything. She does not have to sacrifice her own happiness for his sake. She does not have to stay in a toxic, abusive relationship out of guilt, obligation, or fear. She deserves better. She deserves to be free.
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    Why Does He Do That?

    Lundy Bancroft

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