Affairs are not always about sex from "summary" of The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
Affairs are often seen as synonymous with sex. The image of a clandestine meeting in a hotel room or a steamy encounter in a secret love nest may come to mind. However, affairs are not always about physical intimacy. They can be about a myriad of other things - emotional connection, validation, excitement, or simply a desire for something different. In my work as a therapist, I have encountered countless individuals who have strayed from their primary relationships not because they were looking for sex, but because they were seeking something else. For some, an affair is a way to escape from the monotony of their daily lives, to feel desired and alive again. It is a way to recapture a sense of passion and vitality that may be missing in their long-term relationships. Others may turn to affairs as a means of self-exploration or self-discovery. They may be seeking to understand themselves better, to unravel hidden desires or unmet needs that have been simmering beneath the surface. An affair can be a way to explore different aspects of oneself, to test limits and boundaries, to push against the constraints of societal norms and expectations. In some cases, affairs can be a way to address deeper issues within the primary relationship. They may be a cry for help, a way of signaling that something is amiss and needs to be addressed. By straying outside the bounds of monogamy, individuals may be trying to draw attention to unmet needs or unresolved conflicts that have been festering for years.- Affairs are complex and multifaceted phenomena that cannot be reduced to a simple equation of sex and betrayal. They are deeply intertwined with issues of identity, desire, and connection. To truly understand affairs, we must be willing to look beyond the surface and explore the deeper motivations and meanings that underlie them.
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