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Prioritize teaching skills over punishment from "summary" of The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene, PhD

The philosophy being advocated here can be summed up in a single sentence: kids do well if they can. This is not to suggest that children are being let off the hook for misbehavior, but rather that their misbehavior reflects a lack of crucial cognitive skills. If a child is lacking the skills to behave adaptively, then the solution should be to teach those skills rather than punish the child for not having them. This requires a shift in thinking, a move away from the traditional approach of discipline and consequences towards a more collaborative, problem-solving model. The focus should be on identifying the specific cognitive skills that are lacking and working with the child to develop them. Punishment, in this context, is seen as not only ineffective but counterproductive, as it fails to address the underlying issues driving the behavior. By prioritizing teaching skills over punishment, we are taking a proactive rather than reactive approach to behavior management. We are working towards preventing challenging behavior rather than simply reacting to it when it occurs. This approach requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to work with the child rather than against them. It is about fostering a sense of partnership and collaboration, rather than a power struggle.
  1. The goal is to help children develop the skills they need to succeed in life, rather than simply punishing them for their failures. It is about setting children up for success, rather than setting them up for failure.
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The Explosive Child

Ross W. Greene, PhD

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