Avoid power struggles and control battles from "summary" of Raising Human Beings by Ross W. Greene
When adults are locked in power struggles with kids, it's typically because the adults are trying to impose their will on a kid who is resisting or defying. This is a common source of friction in adult-child relationships. But power struggles and control battles are not conducive to solving problems or teaching skills. They can actually make things worse. A power struggle is a lose-lose proposition. The adult doesn't get what they want, and the kid doesn't learn the skills they need to solve the problem. When adults are in control battles with a kid, it's often because they're trying to force the kid to do something they're not willing to do. The kid digs in their heels and refuses to comply, and the adult responds by escalating their efforts to impose their will. But control battles are not an effective way to teach kids the skills they need to solve problems. In fact, they can be counterproductive. Control battles can damage relationships and erode trust between adults and kids. They can also lead to increased defiance and resistance on the part of the kid.
The key to avoiding power struggles and control battles is collaboration. Collaboration involves working together with the kid to identify and solve problems. It's about treating the kid as a partner in the process, rather than an adversary. When adults collaborate with kids, they show them respect and empathy. They listen to their concerns and involve them in the decision-making process. Collaboration is a more effective way to teach kids the skills they need to solve problems. It helps them develop a sense of autonomy and competence.
Collaboration also strengthens relationships and builds trust between adults and kids. When adults collaborate with kids, they show them that they are valued and respected. This can lead to increased cooperation and willingness to engage in problem-solving. By avoiding power struggles and control battles, adults can create a more positive and supportive environment for kids to learn and grow. Collaboration is the key to fostering healthy and productive relationships between adults and kids.
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