Challenge directly without being aggressive or mean from "summary" of Radical Candor by Kim Malone Scott
When you Challenge Directly, you are telling the person that they've done something wrong, made a mistake, or behaved badly, or that they need to improve in some specific way. Challenging Directly is the "what" of Radical Candor. It's the content of your message. It's the guidance and feedback you give, the praise and criticism. When you challenge someone directly, you are showing them that you care about them personally. You are willing to put yourself in an uncomfortable position to do what is best for the person. You are willing to be uncomfortable because you respect them enough to risk their reaction.
Being Direct doesn't mean being blunt or rude. It means being clear. Challenging Directly is helping someone to see a problem, to understand why it matters, and to find a better way forward. When you're clear about what's wrong, you can help the person fix it. The point of Challenging Directly is to show people that you care personally about them enough to criticize them when they screw up. When you challenge someone directly, you show that you respect them enough to have a hard conversation, and that you care about them enough to have the conversation. You show the person that you are willing to put yourself in an uncomfortable position to do what is best for them.
When you challenge directly, you're doing it because you care about the person and you want to help them. You're not doing it to make yourself feel better. You're not doing it to show off or to put the person in their place. You're doing it to show them that you care about them and that you believe in their growth. Challenging directly means being humble. It means acknowledging that you don't have all the answers and that you're open to being challenged yourself. It means being willing to listen to feedback and to admit when you're wrong. It means being open to new ideas and to changing your mind when you're convinced by a better argument.
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