Be firm but kind when enforcing boundaries from "summary" of Positive Discipline A-Z by Jane Nelsen, Ed.D.,Lynn Lott,H. Stephen Glenn
When enforcing boundaries, it is important to be clear and consistent in our approach. Children need to understand what is expected of them, and they rely on us to provide that guidance. Being firm means holding our ground and not giving in when faced with pushback or resistance. It means setting limits and sticking to them, even when it may be easier to just let things slide. However, being firm does not mean being harsh or punitive. It is possible to be firm and kind at the same time. Kindness involves empathy and understanding, taking into account the child's needs and feelings. It means approaching discipline with a sense of compassion and respect, rather than anger or frustration. When we enforce boundaries with kindness, we are teaching children that we care about them and their well-being. Firmness and kindness go hand in hand when it comes to setting boundaries. By being firm, we show children that we mean what we say and that there are consequences for their actions. This helps to establish a sense of order and predictability, which is important for children's development. At the same time, by being kind, we show children that we are on their side and that we want to help them learn and grow. Enforcing boundaries with a combination of firmness and kindness is not always easy. It requires us to strike a balance between being authoritative and nurturing. It means setting limits without being controlling, and offering support without being permissive. It involves holding children accountable for their behavior while also giving them the tools they need to succeed. In the end, being firm but kind when enforcing boundaries is about finding the right mix of strength and warmth. It is about setting clear expectations while also being understanding and supportive. By approaching discipline in this way, we can help children learn to regulate their behavior, develop self-discipline, and build healthy relationships with others.
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