Avoid power struggles by offering choices from "summary" of Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood by Jim Fay,Charles Fay
When children feel like they have no control over their lives, they often resort to power struggles as a way to assert themselves. This can lead to arguments, defiance, and other challenging behaviors. One way to prevent power struggles is by offering choices. By giving children choices, you are allowing them to have some control over the situation. This can help them feel more empowered and less likely to engage in power struggles. For example, instead of telling your child to put on their shoes, you could say, “Do you want to wear the red shoes or the blue shoes today?” This way, the child feels like they have a say in the matter, and are more likely to cooperate.
It is important to offer choices that you are comfortable with and that are appropriate for the situation. This way, you are still setting limits and boundaries, but in a way that allows the child to make decisions within those boundaries. For example, if your child refuses to eat their vegetables, you could say, “Do you want to eat your broccoli first or your carrots?” This gives the child a choice, but both options still involve eating vegetables.
When offering choices, it is important to remain calm and consistent. This will help prevent power struggles from escalating. If your child tries to negotiate or argue about the choices you have given them, you can simply respond with, “You can choose one of the options I’ve given you, or I can choose for you.” This lets the child know that they have a limited amount of time to make a decision, and that you are not willing to engage in a power struggle.
By offering choices, you are teaching your child valuable decision-making skills and helping them feel more in control of their own lives. This can lead to fewer power struggles and a more peaceful and cooperative relationship between you and your child. So next time you find yourself in a power struggle with your child, try offering choices instead.
