Loss changes our relationship with our culture from "summary" of Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
Losing my mother to cancer changed everything. It altered the way I saw the world, the way I saw myself, and most significantly, the way I related to my Korean heritage. Suddenly, the culture that had once felt like a comforting embrace became a source of pain, a reminder of what I had lost. The foods that once brought me joy now served as a painful reminder of my mother's absence. The language that had once felt like a connection to my roots now felt like a barrier, a reminder of all the things left unsaid between us.
As I navigated my grief, I found myself grappling with my identity as a Korean American. I felt caught between two worlds, unable to fully belong to either. My mother had been the bridge between these worlds, the one who had helped me navigate the complexities of being a first-generation immigrant. Without her, I felt adrift, disconnected from both my Korean heritage and my American upbringing.
In the midst of my grief, I found solace in the familiar rituals of Korean culture. I sought comfort in the foods my mother had once made for me, in the language she had once spoken to me. These rituals became a lifeline, a way for me to feel close to her even in her absence. But they also served as a painful reminder of all that I had lost, of all the ways in which my relationship with my culture had been irrevocably changed by her death.
Through my grief, I came to realize that loss is not just a personal experience, but a cultural one as well. Losing my mother meant losing a part of my connection to my Korean heritage, a part of the bridge that had once connected me to my roots. In her absence, I had to find new ways to relate to my culture, new ways to honor her memory while also forging my own path forward.
In the end, I came to see that loss is not just about what we lose, but about how we choose to carry that loss with us. It is about finding new ways to relate to our culture, new ways to honor the memories of those we have lost. And through this process, we can find a deeper understanding of who we are and where we come from, even as we navigate the complexities of grief and healing.
