Audio available in app
Desire is not a drive from "summary" of Come As You Are: Revised and Updated by Emily Nagoski
Desire is not a drive. It's not a deep biological urge that pushes us inexorably in a particular direction. It's not a primal need that must be satisfied at all costs. Instead, desire is more like a delicate plant that needs the right conditions to thrive. It's influenced by a complex interplay of factors, including our emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and past experiences. Our culture often portrays desire as a powerful force that compels us to seek out sexual experiences. But in reality, desire is much more nuanced. It can be affected by a wide range of external and internal factors, from stress and fatigue to body image issues and relationship dynamics. And because desire is so multifaceted, it can vary greatly from person to person and even within the same individual at different times. Understanding that desire is not a drive can be empowering. It means that we have the ability to shape and influence our own desires, rather than being at the mercy of some uncontrollable force. By paying attention to the factors that influence our desire – both positive and negative – we can learn to cultivate a more fulfilling and authentic relationship with our sexuality. This perspective also challenges the idea that all people should experience desire in the same way. Just as our bodies and minds are unique, so too are our desires. What works for one person may not work for another, and that's perfectly okay. Rather than trying to conform to a one-size-fits-all model of desire, we can embrace our individuality and explore what brings us pleasure and fulfillment. In a world that often pressures us to conform to narrow standards of desirability, recognizing that desire is not a drive can be a radical act of self-acceptance. It invites us to reject harmful myths and stereotypes about sexuality and instead listen to our own inner voices. By honoring the complexity and diversity of desire, we can cultivate a more compassionate and authentic relationship with ourselves and others.
Similar Posts
Physical health plays a role in sexual health
A person's physical health can greatly impact their sexual health. This is because the body needs to be functioning properly in...
Experiencing pleasure without orgasm can deepen intimacy
In the heat of passion, the urge for release often takes center stage. It's easy to get caught up in the pursuit of orgasm, the...
Intimacy goes beyond physical acts
Intimacy is often equated with physical acts, such as sex or touching. However, true intimacy goes beyond these actions. It is ...
Prehistoric humans had communal childcare
In our ancient past, caring for children was not solely the responsibility of biological parents. The idea of communal childcar...
Focus on connection in sexual interactions
When engaging in sexual interactions, it is important to shift the focus to connection. Rather than solely focusing on performa...
Practice radical honesty in all interactions
The concept of radical honesty in all interactions is a fundamental principle for those on the path of the superior man. It req...
Enjoy the journey of sexual exploration
Sexual exploration is a journey that can be exciting, rewarding, and deeply fulfilling. It is a process of discovery and self-d...
Prioritize your sexual satisfaction
When it comes to your sexual satisfaction, it's crucial to put yourself first. This may seem like a simple concept, but many pe...
Learning to control sexual energy can enhance emotional connection
Learning to control sexual energy is a key factor in enhancing emotional connection with a partner. When sexual energy is manag...